So on this week’s Survivor, Kass is a flipper. A flippity flip flip flap flipper. She went with her gut and flippity-do-da-ed and got rid of someone named Sarah while flushing out two idols. This pissed everyone off for different reasons, and Kass likens Morgan to a fourteen-year-old dog that you love even though it pees on the rug. Then Morgan called Kass a stupidhead who hates her because she’s prettier, so this should be a fun episode.

The Reward Challenge is a swimming and balance beaming and dragging and puzzle thing with a trip to a Survivor-themed [Insert Chain Restaurant Here] as a reward. The contestants are divided up into two teams who are fairly equal except for Woo slowing his team down just a tad. His team catches up and gains a few seconds of hauling time before it all comes down to a puzzle. Something called The Orange Team finished the puzzle first and win the reward—Jeremiah, LJ, Spencer, Morgan, and Jeffra will get whisked off to an eating establishment where they will dine on steaks and margaritas.

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Back at camp, there’s a hidden Immunity Idol with special powers somewhere back at camp. Tony seems to be the only one looking, which is the dumbest thing ever because everybody should use their time away from the reward to look for that damned idol.

Meanwhile, after gorging on foodstuffs, Spencer finds a clue to the Immunity Idol. Woo knows that there was supposed to be a clue, and Spencer takes off for the woods, so Woo follows. Sneakily. Smartily. He spots Spencer digging on the side of a riverbed and coming up dry. So he “casually” bumps into Spencer, hands him his pants, and keeps the clue. Then, he takes off “Sonic the Hedgehog-style” and heads back to camp to share the clue with his buddies. Tony is pretty sure that he knows where it is and runs off for the river. There are, like, seventeen people looking for this clue and there aren’t even seventeen people playing Survivor. And the winner is….Spencer. He waits until Kass isn’t looking and stuffs the idol in his pants. It’s a “Normal Idol,” which means there’s still a “Special Idol” floating out there somewhere.

The Immunity Challenge is a balancing challenge, and it looks brutal. The contestants must balance on a beam with a block of wood teetering on their heads. Kass is out within seconds, and Jeremiah and Trish are close behind. Tony’s done, too. After twenty-five minutes, Morgan craps out. Woo wobbles and is out of the challenge. Jeffra is out and in some serious pain, leaving only LJ, Tasha, and Spencer on their beams. LJ falls. One hour and thirty minutes later, Spencer is getting a little wiggly and, out of nowhere, Tasha is out and Spencer wins immunity.

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And then the scheming begins. One faction is determined to vote out Morgan who is a lazy useless waste of space and is unlikely to ever have an Immunity Idol. The other faction wants to lure in Kass to vote out Tony. At Tribal Council, blah blah blah, nobody likes Morgan, she’s dead weight, and she thinks her life is easier because she’s “cute,” but there’s really nothing cute about her at the moment. Or ever. There’s also Jeffra who is so not bright that I’m wondering if it’s a medical condition. Then Trish starts talking and I just can’t take anything she says seriously because she sounds like a Real Housewife of New Jersey’s third cousin, twice removed from reality.

The vote is predictable—Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Morgan, Morgan, Morgan, Morgan, we’re tied. Morgan, one vote left, and goodbye Morgan. You will not be missed.

Next week, paranoia sets in and turns the alliance of six against each other.

photos via CBS

 


Linda Sue Strong is the founder of entertainment blog TerribleTelevision.com and an occasional attorney. Her life has not yet been turned into a reality television show. Follow her at @themisslinda.

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