Disclaimer: This story is based on true events and contains graphic descriptions of physical distress with awkwardly rhyming lines and therefore should be approached with caution by anyone pregnant or with heart conditions or with Dr. Seuss PTSD or with a clinically diagnosed fear of thinking about exercise.
Second Disclaimer: All GIFs are of Nicholas Cage. Please take a few moments to emotionally prepare yourself for an extended experience with Nicholas Cage GIFs before continuing.
Okay here we go…
Once upon a vacation, in a destination far far away, you gave in to spontaneity, and set out somewhere new for the day:
With trip advisor at your lead, you came upon a small hilltop city, perfect for a side adventure, all rustic, charming and pretty:
Slowly you wandered forth on the rising cobbled streets, not yet feeling #datburn in your thighs because lets not lie you kept stopping to eat:
Just as the sun peaked beaming down a mid-afternoon simmer, you noticed a tall structure with hella real views of Tuscan glimmer:
You realized you were already sweating just as you arrived at the doors, and you couldn’t quite understand the ticketer about how many floors:
You hesitated a moment seeing no elevator to aide, but kind of obnoxiously declared YOLO because you already paid:
You begin your ascent with not much more than a care, which rapidly escalated to fears of never getting there:
You clasp the old stone walls now desperate for assistance, but your arms are even weaker than your legs and you were met with more resistance:
You wonder how long it’ll take your family to worry you haven’t called, as you concede that you were ill prepared to climb this tower and start to let yourself lean back to fall:
It’s at that moment you looked down and realized just how far you’ve come, and convince yourself if you made it two thirds up this challenge can still be won:
With tears in your eyes and hardly a breath in your lungs, you carried on on hand and knee, step by step rung by rung:
Until suddenly at last you felt the sun on your face and a cool wind through your hair, and you knew the view was worth the climb and you finally relaxed and just stared:
And vowed next time you’d be more prepared:
But then the next morning your legs be all like:
THE END
All GIFs via Giphy
